Friday, January 30, 2009

On Ted Hagggard in the news, again.

It's time for Ask Mr. Advice Columnist Man! Today we have a question from Mr. T. H. in Colorado Springs.

Q: Help me, Mr. Advice Columnist Man! I can't stop having gay sex!
A: That's not a question.
Q: How can I stop having gay sex?
A: Don't you have any self-control?
Q: No.
A: Well, then, your best bet is to eliminate any possible partners. Try making homosexuality a crime.
Q: I'm trying, but the damn liberals keep screwing it up. They tell me "Congress is not your personal army."
A: Well, if you can't get them to stop being gay, you could at least make yourself less attractive to them.
Q: But I'm so amazingly sexy! Have you seen my ass? I have a phenomenal ass.
A: It's not all about looks; personality counts too. Try making it publicly known that you think gays are the absolute scum of the earth, and should be treated with all the respect and dignity of a wad of used gum.
Q: I tried that, but some of them will still have sex with me if I pay them enough.
A: You're paying them?
Q: Yeah, they won't have sex with me anymore otherwise.
A: You know what? I think this task is officially hopeless. You'll just have to accept the fact that you're gay.
Q: But...
A: No buts. This conversation is over.

Next time, on Ask Mr. Advice Columnist Man: a shark asks for advice on becoming a vegan! Don't miss it!

(This was originally a comment I made on Evolved and Rational, but I was proud of it and thought I'd copy it here... where far fewer people will see it. I've had better plans.)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I don't want to go on the cart!

I'm getting better!

So, I'm finishing up what I believe is my first encounter with the flu. It wasn't pleasant, but I think it's just about over now. I only had a 100° temperature today, down from 103.6° on monday. So yeah, I was totally out of it for 2 1/2 days. (Does it say something about me that I want to make that 5/2?)

That's not the bad part, though. I can take a little suffering, as long as I know it's ending soon. The bad part is that about 6 hours before I started having an itchy throat and slight cough, I was at a concert of a bunch of my friends whom I hadn't seen in months, and we went out for dinner afterward, and I probably gave them all the flu.

Next year, I think I'm getting vaccinated.

Monday, January 19, 2009

On updates

I haven't really felt like writing anything here for a while. I can't even be bothered to put up links. If anybody's actually reading this, post a comment and I'll try to update regularly. Otherwise, updates will probably drop to monthly or less.